#2 Training

Dear diary,

Wow, being a shelver requires a lot more training than I thought it would! It feels as though I've been dragged through boot camp for the past three days. I've barely had a moment to rest before my mobile BLEEPs telling me I'm needed at the library for more training. Please kill me now!

What happened was, on Tuesday I drove to the library for my first day of training. I'd always assumed that shelving just required you to know how to put books in alphanumeric order; pretty basic stuff really. But I was wrong.

I walked up to the front desk to let them know who I was, but stopped just as I reached the counter. The timid woman behind the counter glanced nervously at me, looked me up and down, then tilted her head towards the back of the library. I broke eye contact - if you do it with dogs they feel less intimidated - and started to walk towards the staffroom. I heard a faint whisper of "poor boy, so young" as I waltzed away from the desk.

The Head Librarian was waiting for me at the door to the staffroom. Without saing a word she grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me along behind her. She deftly wove between mountains of books and the odd member of staff as we made way to her office. Once inside, she flung me into a hardbacked chair and sat on her computer hair directly in front of me. It was only then that I got a good look at the ominous figure who was to be my new boss.

The feature that stood out most was her glasses. They were narrow-rimmed, so much so that you could barely make them out. They perched precariously on the tip of her nose, threatening to fall off at the slightest movement. I dared not breathe. Her eyes were piercing, slicing through me like a knife through soft butter. The wrinkles on her long, thin face gave the impression of rock strata. Staring into this woman's face was like a history of the earth's crust; deep-down she was probably fossilised.

Her once-shiny but now dullen nametag said "Boudecia Jones". I mustered every reserve of energy just to smile, and managed to squeak out a low "hello". No response. This was going to be tough.

Ms. Boudecia Jones, Head Librarian evenually began a lengthy monologue about the library rules and my new duties and so on, while I sat plastered to the chair, afraid to even blink in the face of this formiddable woman. Her never left mine for the entire three hour duration of her uninterrupted speech. Every now and then she would fire a question at me, to which I would respond as truthfully (and more importantly, as quickly) as possible.

Finally she rose from her chair - it was like when an adder puffs up before striking its prey. She struck out her hand and I tentatively took it in a handshake. My hand was crushed between her fingers of granite. Ms. Jones turned and marched out of the door, beckoning me to follow. Cradling my injured appendage I followed.

For the next three hours I was instructed to: memorise the Dewey Decimal System, learn the complex check-in system, memorise small sections of the catalogue, order books on the trolleys, learn the layout of the library (complete with building design blueprints), shelve the books, collect stray items from around the library, shelf-read, learn to recognise when books were incorrectly catalogued, and on top of that, memorise the procedures manual from cove to cover.

Of course, I didn't get anywhere near that much done, which is why my training went for an additional two days. I only got out of for tomorrow because I have an appointment with a psychologist - work-related stress, already - but even getting that cleared took half an hour of bargaining and pleading for mercy. Every time I did something she didn't like, such as mistakenly interfiling junior with teenage fiction (the very thought of it) or accidentally dropping a talking book on my foot (blasphemy), earned me a glaring look of distinct disapproval.

I am so beaten right now I just want to collapse. I'm not excited about my first actual shift; I don't even know what day it'll be. I'd always thought working in a library would be a nice, cushy job which was laidback and friendly. I think I made a mistake...