#18 Taxonomy

Dear diary,

I've begun to notice there's a very distinct boundary between patrons and library staff. They think and act differently. For one, other peple don't know Dewey. It's the most logical classification system ever invented, and they should use it in bookstores. I've come up with some categories for patrons:

Nice People - Thankfully this group makes up the majority of patrons. They're ind, polite and provide you with a warm snse of job satisfaction when they find what they're looking for. One woman, after I helped her find books on canaries for her grandchildren, returned later that day with a plate of cupcakes for the staff. Te only problem with these people is that they tend to be s nice that they don't want to interrupt what you're doing, so I rarely get to speak to them.

The Oblivious - Safest when seated, otherwise they stumble around completely unaware of their surroundings. Some of them are Readwalkers who, well, read while they walk. I've had a couple of them collide with my trolley when it's been sticking out into an aisle.

Wanderers - I've seen people walk around the library and stare at the shelves dumbfounded for half an hour, because they don't know where to look. They rarely ask for directions, probably because they feel stupid enough already. I feel bad about leaving them there, but I'm always busy doing something else.

Collectors - These people, once they find out what section they're after, grab every book they can find on a topic. They take those books to one of the carrels, flick through them then leave them all lying around for me to pick up after them. How annoying.

Displayers - I've seen documentaries where lions have hunted down zebras and mutilated them, leaving a bloodied carcass strewn across the dusty savannah. These people do much the same to piles of books, especially in narrow aisles. Major trolley hazard.

Seekers - They know all too well how to use the catalogue terminals, but they never leave them, prepared to sit there for hours until they've found everything they want. If they're not on the catalogues they're coming up to you with a list full of catalogue references, asking you to pinpoint their locations. They often presume to know more than you about the library layout.

Inquisitors - Question after question after question. The temptation to slap them is hard to resist. I once made the mistake of trying to show one man how to use the catalogue. Forty minutes later I was still explaining how to use the advance search, having made little headway. These people are usually elderly technophobes or parents 'helping' their kids research a school project.

Taskmasters - This last group is by far the most irritating. They have no qualms about interrupting you because they believe the world revolves around them. If you don't fulfil their every demand they threaten to inform our superior of your insolence. They often show little respect for privacy or property. One Taskmaster I was trying to appease snatched a book from the hands of a Readwalker, flcked through it quickly then rammed it into the wrong spot on a nearby shelf.

If you can think of any I've left out let me know. Libraries - they're a crazy world.