#70 Afterwards

Dear diary,

It’s been really quiet at the library. Under any other circumstances that comment would go completely unnoticed, but this past week it’s been different. Normally there are the sounds of people trying to be quiet, like whispered conversations, the shuffling of chars, muffled coughs, that sort of thing. Now it’s simply devoid of sound.

There was a lot of cleaning up to do on Monday morning. Ernesto was the first one in, and thus it was he who found me in the Sequestered Stacks where I’d slept all night. I told him my story as he looked around the transformed staff room in awe. There was no trace of Sue, just her black robe which was soaked in the tangy smell of ozone. S.I.R. and the ReShelve™ had been reduced to their original parts, and were now just two piles of scrap metal. The room itself had been half redesigned; where the streaks of temporal energy had flowed out from the handheld time machine there were now 90s and 80s décor. Sylvia was going to have a fit when she found out her computer had been transformed into a rusty old typewriter.

I was surprised to find Boudecia, seeing as she’d been at the epicenter of the blast. She was a hatchling owl, making the cutest little hooting sounds I’ve ever heard. Ernesto carefully put her back in the cage on her desk, and I nicked down to the local pet store to get her something to eat. I was glad for any excuse to leave the building. I couldn’t really remember much of Sunday evening, besides that which I’d hastily typed into my BlueToothBerry™ – it’s meant to be used for recording and transmitting shelving/shelf-reading locations across library branches – as it seemed like an extenuating circumstance at the time.

When I got back I found Ernesto had called all the staff in. Goldie was cradling her pet kittens, which had luckily been protected by the drawer they’d slept in. TJ was trying to console an emotional Pepper, though she was doing a better job of it to him by the looks of it. Sylvia was, as I’d guessed, fuming over the loss of her Mac, oblivious to everything else. Bron and Heb were tidying up silently so they’d have an excuse not to talk to anyone, and I could hear Shannon sobbing to her deceased father in the Stacks. I sat down and looked at the new – or more accurately, old – interior decorating. Libraries are never the more stylish of places, and the choice in current wallpaper only helped to accentuate that.

We discussed what we should do now that Boudecia was … unavailable to manage over the library. It was decided unanimously that Ernesto should become the new head librarian. We discussed what message to tell the public and the Council (Boudecia had no family, and the library was her life). We decided on the cover story of “she’s taking time off indefinitely to travel”. I made that slightly truer by driving one night to an animal sanctuary and leaving my former boss, in her cage, at the front steps of the office. She’d be safe until morning when they could take her inside and care for her.

And so that’s that, really. We’re going along as though everything is normal. Sylvia bought a new Mac and it’s all she talks about; Heb’s organising a pub crawl for his upcoming birthday, much to Bron’s dismay; and Ernesto has put an ad in the paper for a new Reference Librarian. We’re also having the library redecorated, both to get rid of the horrible fleur-de-lis wallpaper in the staffroom and also because we all need a change.

It’s a strange feeling, when the group you always held close to you gets that little bit smaller all of a sudden. Time keeps ticking and life pushes onwards, but it feels as though something you used to have is gone forever. I think the library staff had become my family, and the library my home. I’d always thought that working in a library was just something I really enjoyed doing for a while, but that I’d eventually move on. Now I’m not so sure.

That’s probably a good thing too.

-Jay, shelver explorer, signing off

#69 Sunday

Dear diary,

I wish today hadn't happened.

-Jay



EDIT: Still wishing today hadn't happened. BUt, sadly, that's not how it works.

So here's my story.

Library Week came to a close today, and so to celebrate we (the staff) decided we were sick of patrons and that we should definitely go to the pub. The idea was that we'd draw straws, and the unlucky ones became designated drivers and had the morning shift on Monday.

As 5pm drew closer in the afternoon you could feel the anticipation building. TJ was standing by the clock, counting down the minutes, whilst Pepper shooed everyone out as quickly as possible. This was my seventh day in a row at work, because I'd needed the money, and I was very wound up aving not slept the night before. I lost it at one woman who came to the checkout counter at 4:59 and had fines and overdues on her card. In the five seconds it took for TJ to drag me away and Pepper to get to serve the woman, I'd yelled at her, cut up her card and had been frisbeeing her books over her head.

Boudecia was waiting in the staffroom. After hearing what had just happened she told Pepper and TJ to get a head start on the unwinding process at the pub, whilst she disciplined me for my actions. They left gratefully, and then it was just the boss and I.

Before she could say anything I revealed everything I knew about the monks and their activities to Boudecia this morning. If she was surprised she didn't show it; she simply nodded as I explained what I thought they were after. I finished my monologue and waited for her response. She asked me to get my L.U.B.E. as we were going to need it. At first I thought she was being very lewd and highly inappropriate, until it clocked and I got the Library Utility Belt and its Equipment. I laid out the equipment on the table...

...and then there was a knock on the back door. Nobody should have been there. Boudecia opened it without hesitation, and Sue Tonius walked in. Oh right, she was just collecting her research paper, I thought. She had a smirk on her face, and it was then that I noticed what was tucked under her arm: a familiar-looking black cloak with a sliver of gold. Boudecia and I stood there frozen as Sue draped the cloak over her clothes, her smirk changing to a wild grin.

S.I.R. wheeled around the corner. She must have repaired it, for it was back up and working, its red eyes gleaming at me in horrible recognition. Nobody moved or spoke for an eternity of seconds. I broke the moment by moving to put myself between Sue and the ReShelve™, which she had been eyeing on Monday. S.I.R. struck out an arm and dragged me out. I struggled wildly against it, but to no avail. It dragged me back to the Sequestered Shelves, threw me inside and locked the door.

I looked out through the tiny window to see S.I.R. tying Boudecia to a chair. She didn’t resist, but never too her eyes off Sue. Sue stared back at her, completely satisfied. She picked up the ReShelve™ and tossed it in her hand, a bemused and victorious expression on her face. She then picked up her research paper and tore of the back cover to reveal a scribbled paragraph. She recited it like a chant, though I couldn’t hear the words through the thick glass.

I turned away, shamefaced. I was so close to stopping this whole thing, but now I was trapped in here, unable to stop it from happening. I slumped against the door and looked into the pitch blackness of the Sequestered Stacks to see … Bookman! The ghost floated to the floor and came up right next to me, its luminescent eyes unreadable. I told him desperately what I needed to do, and he immediately floated off behind one of the Stacks. At first I heard nothing, and then the Stack slowly began to tip forward. I dived out of the way as it came crashing down on the door, twisting the metal and breaking it open.

I ran out of the room to see Sue fiddle with the ReShelve™, which was glowing a brilliant red. I ran to stop her but S.I.R. whacked me in the guts. I fell down, wheezing, but I wasn’t going to be defeated. After all, it was just a robot, whereas I was a Real Shelver. From my position on the ground I drew back my legs and kicked with all my might. S.I.R. flew back, taken by surprise, and crashed into Sue. I quickly got up and ran over to Boudecia. I untied her, then grabbed Sue’s paper. S.I.R. grabbed my arm from behind, and I spun around and stuck the thick essay right in its gut. It reeled back, looked down, saw I’d Shelved it real good, and then it died.

The ReShelve™ chose that moment to go haywire. Streaks of light burst out of it, and a piercing shrill wail ripped through the air. I shouted to Boudecia that we needed to stop the small time machine from going critical, as that was what Sue wanted: to use it to restore the library building to its original state, as the church of the Order of the Sacred Text. I saw Sue grab the ReShelve™ and shoot a triumphant look, which was short-lived as Boudecia walloped her over the head with the L.U.B.E. Boudecia took the machine, looked up at me, and for the first time ever she gave a small smile. And then she threw the device to the floor, and was consumed by the blinding light.

TO BE CONTINUED...

#68 Saturday

Dear diary,

Today was Shannon’s day to run stuff for Library Week. She organised to have a history tour of the library, in dedication to library staff past and present, as well as the history of the building itself. She had local historian Sue Tonius research and create a presentation about the origins of the land on which the library stands. Despite my own enthusiasm – I have a great passion for libraries which sadly isn’t shared by many members of the public, or even the staff – Shannon Harper didn’t believe this would attract crowds, so she asked her father for help.

Colin Harper (a.k.a. Bookman) was the former Head Librarian at this library. He died several years ago, and like all library staff who have fallen in the line of duty, he came back as a ghost. He and the other ghosts live in (or ‘haunt’) the Sequestered Stacks at the back of the staffroom, and rarely venture out from there. Today, though, they thought they’d make an exception. After all, a history lesson has more punch when advertised as a ghost tour.

Shannon showed a group of savvy patrons around the various sections of the library, telling them as they went about the people who used to work in and visit the library, and what gruesome or scandalous things had happened to them. She exaggerated wherever she could, and in fact seemed to derive pleasure out of watching her captivated audience squirm with each new shocking ‘fact’. For their part the ghosts were excellent. Shelves rattled at opportune moments, trolleys wheeled themselves, feint music could be heard and the distance (Heb recorded his mum singing in the shower that morning, and so Bookman carried around an iPod wth the recording, playing it from shelves behind the group).

Local historian Sue Tonius had done some research on the history of the library, which was left mostly abandoned by the mesmerised tour group. I myself was avoiding the dully and verbose essay Sue had written up until Bookman appeared beside me, having just petrified the group with a haunting refrain from Bron’s Greatest Hits. He was trying to tell me something, but unlike in the story of Lassie I just wasn’t getting the message. Frustrated, he flew off into Fiction and after a moment hurled a few books at my feet. I went to pick them up, then remembering how ghosts communicate, I checked the spine labels.

JAY CHE KIT OUT DAD ISP LAY

Oh dear, I thought, text speak has infiltrated all levels of society. I was about to chastise his poor spelling when several more tomes flew at my head. Reading these made more sense.

EMB LEM OND MON KYU HAV SEE NIS IND ERE

My curiosity peaked, I walked over to Sue’s essay and flicked through. Realising this could take all day even with my fast reading pace, I whipped out the BlurbMaker™, one of my previewed devices. This gives a summary of a book or even a chapter, so you can quickly decide whether something is worth reading. I found what I was looking for, sped read over it and gasped. I glanced around furtively then stole away to the staffroom, research essay in hand.

I made up some story to Shannon about having to stay back late, as she was meant to be the last to leave, and I’m still at the library now. I’ve been reading Sue’s research over and over, and it’s becoming clearer each time. The library has been around for 55 years, but originally this building (pre-renovated days) was a church. Looking back further, it turns out that church used to be a monastery belonging to an orthodox sect known as the Heralds of the Sacred Text. The HOST were monks who believed that the Bible itself held immense power, and stove to collect as many copies as possible in an effort to store and contain this power. The monks wore black robes with a golden cross on them.

It explains why I’ve been seeing monks around, but it doesn’t make sense of why they’ve been interfering with and coveting BiblioTechnology, or why they have plans of the building layout. I’m going to stay here tonight and work on this, with Bookman and Boudecia (she’s currently in her owl cage preening her feathers). Tomorrow’s the big day with the end of Library Week party. All staff are going to be busy, and seeing as the monks are showing a lot of activity at the moment, my guess is that if they’re going to do anything ‘big’ it will be then.. I just hope I can work out what that might be and prepare for it before I fall asleep.

*yawn*

-Jay

#67 Friday

Dear diary,

Every morning at 8:30 all morning staff have to do shelf-reading for half an hour, before the library opens. Making sure books are in the correct order is normally not the most exciting task, and I can easily see how many people would be bored out of their skull after less than five minutes of it, but I’ve always managed to keep my mind occupied whilst my hands work their magic across those tiers. I got into work today to find Heb and TJ slumped against the shelves, both clearly asleep on the job. I tutted to myself. I whipped out the ReShelve™ and calibrated the settings to ESBs (Existing Shelved Books). I set the Dewey range, made sure I activated No Friendly Fire (slows do the process but avoids temporal collisions) and hit Enter.

The whirring sound the handheld time machine emitted lasted only a few seconds, but it was enough to instantly wake up both the guys. They stared in sluggish wonderment as the ReShelve™ fired up. Books all around began flitting out f existence, only to reappear in their correct location moments later. One folio vanished from TJ’s hand, freaking him out no end. I explained to Heb and TJ that the device had a recording of the relative position of where the book belonged when the device was programmed, and it used that geo-temporal postioning to return the books to where the used to be. It could also find lost books hidden under shelves and restore them to their rightful place. This took fifteen seconds to explain, and by this time the ReShelve™ had finished its job.

Suddenly all the lights went out, throwing the sections of te library away from natural lighting into pitch darkness. Ah, I said, there’s one small catch: it uses a lot of energy. Bron and Ernesto came out of the staffroom, carrying chairs for their event today. They sighed in unison and asked us to help them take the rest of the chairs up to the front area of the library. Heb and TJ trunched over as I checked how much power the ReShelve™ had used. It was a lot. It looked like we’d be without power for the rest of the day.

Bron opened the library roller door at 9:00. She met people as they entered, conversing politely with everyone and ushering them to the seats set up around the front area. Even people who had just wanted to browse through the collections were drawn into conversation with Bron and before they knew it they were sitting down and actually looking forward to the speeches. Bron’s gentle nature and her uncanny ability to find common ground with everyone meant that there was not a single complaint about the lack of proper lighting. In fact I overheard two elderly men saying how much nicer it was without the harsh luminescent glare of the ceiling lights. Amazing, how some people can make the best of any situation.

When everyone was seated Ernesto took to the podium. The microphone had been taken out by the ReShelve™ surge of ’09, and so he had to speak loudly to be heard. He quietened everyone as only a librarian can, then spoke briefly about the importance of Library (and Information) Week in emphasising the role that libraries play in the community. The crowd applauded, and he passed the mike (metaphorically, alas) to the Council Mayor, Cr Phil Turdwater. I was expecting a generic ‘it’s wonderful to see you all here and thank you for coming’ kind of speech that politicians seem to make at community events, but again Phil surprised me by speaking about his own experiences of loving his local library when he was a young boy. I really have to get over my dislike of politicians.

After Phil there were speeches by representatives from BiblioTech and from the Library (and Information) Week events team. I tuned them out and scanned the crowd for any attractive young female bibliophiles. I quit my search the moment I saw a black-robed character at the back of the crowd. I moved quietly behind the crowd – moving silently is part of our shelver training – and came up behind the cloaked figure. I was tempted to unhood them and find out once and for all who this mysterious trouble-maker was, but then I noticed a roll of paper sticking out from their pocket.

I removed it carefully so as not to disturb them. Hey, if they can play with my technology I’m rightfully entitled to nick their stuff. I stepped back and unrolled the paper. It was a labeled diagram of the library. Why would anyone carry that around with them? They certainly weren’t an architect. I rolled up the blueprints and was about to replace them, but then decided against it. Something conspiratorial was going on, and I was going to get to the bottom of it. I shimmied back to the staffroom and tucked the blueprints into my bag. This was homework. This … is personal.

-Jay

#66 Thursday

Dear diary,

Today was almost a reprieve from the hustle and bustle of the week so far. By reprieve, I mean that we did what we would have normally done today, which was hold our fortnightly staff meeting. By almost, I mean that we extended the invitation to the meeting, somewhat. By somewhat, I mean that it was an open forum for the public, so that they could have their say.

Myself and the other staff sat around the usual table where we have our staff meetings. We were all acutely aware that t had been moved to the centre of the library and that we had a surrounding crowd of about twenty-five people, all regular patrons and important members of the community. Constance Yow Ting, outspoken councilor and human rights activist; Hammond X, the larger-than-life youth music rapper (and a fan of poetry, his borrower record reveals); Sue Tonius, president of the history association and general busy-body: all were present for the meeting. We chatted for a while as we waited for everyone to arrive, but the moment Boudecia appeared from the staffroom we adopted a more formal tone and got down to business.

I was the minute taker, and I really wanted to use one of the new BiblioTech L.U.B.E. accessories. I took out the MinuteMinuter™, a tiny handheld device which is attuned to pick out opening and closing statements. In doing this, it records the agenda item being discussed, and the subsequent action that is being taken. Very handy indeed!

Boudecia waited for me to set it up, the launched into the agenda. Item 1 – Additions to Collections. Ernesto reported on the launch of the new Encyclopedia Universa, a set of encyclopedias which are kept so up-to-date that they have to be replaced every four weeks. Boudecia said we would not be getting it. Constance interrupted to say that it was important we don’t deprive the community of facts and that society was flawed because the common people aren’t given the chance to access vital information. Boudecia retorted that the only new information to be gleaned from these editions would be a new constellation or species of fungi every few weeks, and besides, there was the internet. Constance fell quiet.

Item 2 – Borrower Issues. Bron has suspended a gang of young teenage boys form the library. They’ve been troublesome for quite a few months now, making noise and bothering other patrons. The situation escalated when one of them threw a chair at the window last week. Luckily the window is made of reinforced glass so that survived intact, however the chair shattered. Boudecia agreed to Bron’s plan to drive by each boy’s home (the ‘other’ reason we collect people’s personal information when they sign up) and leave a piece of the chair at their doorsteps. Hammond raised a hand and said he knew the boys, and that they came from broken homes. Bron’s attitude changed instantly from vengeant librarian to caring motherly figure, and agreed to leave a tender note with the seat wreckage.

Item 3 – Staff Matters (or Staff Matter – the MinuteMinuter™ has an annoying spellcheck built in). Boudecia gave Shannon the all-clear to advertise for and hire more volunteers to help out with the Library Weekend planned events. Sue interjected that she would be interested in researching the history of the library, provided that had free access to the Sequestered Stacks. Boudecia nodded curtly to her, then turned to me and whispered “bothering old cow”.

I glanced down at the MinuteMinuter™, worried it would include that with the rest of the meeting minutes. But the display screen was flickering wildly. The words were jumbled and Item 3 had INTERFERENCE ERROR CANNOT COMPUTE marked across it. I tapped the device on the side of the table – my normal method for fixing technology – and suddenly the device began to overcompensate. It began recording everything – every word and interjection, every whispered conversation from the other side of the room, and even body language. I tapped it again and the screen died, probably for overload. Who knew libraries were so noisy?

I looked up in confusion. Boudecia was eyeing me, her eyebrows raised in a bored expression, whilst Sylvia and Shannon were trying to get the thing to work. By now the surrounding public had moved in to see what was going on, and in the usual manner of crowds, prevented the people who were trying to do something to help the situation from actually doing anything. As people shuffled closer to get a good look I caught a glimpse of a familiar figure in the background. They were dressed in a long black robe with a golden cross on it, and in their hand they were holding a walkie talkie. That must’ve been what had jammed the signal! But why would someone do that?

I jumped out of my seat … and smacked into Constance. My hands flew up to brace myself for impact. As someone gasped and the crowd cleared some room, I found myself clutching onto her breasts. Worse still, the cloaked figure had disappeared. I dropped my hands and made to move to the door to catch the monk, but Constance grabbed onto my arm and sent a litany of abuse flying at my face. Eventually Ernesto pried us apart and let Constance cool off., but I could see a smirk developing in his usually implacable expression. I fled to the staffroom bathroom and just sat there, bewilderment running rife through my mind.

I can’t say that was the best staff meeting I’ve ever been to. Still, I shouldn’t let the fact that I groped a councilor get me down. There are still three days left of this week, and they should go much more smoothly than today. Really, what could go wrong?

-Jay

#65 Wednesday

Dear diary,

Happy National Simultaneous Storytime Day! Today was the day when young children all across Australia enjoyed the simple pleasure of having stories read to them. We had that running at our library, with the Children’s Librarian, Pepper, reading picture books to the little tikes for the whole day. She kept her youthful audience captivated with tales of fantasy, merriment, joy, and why hygiene is very important especially when it comes to nasal cleaning.

Of course, it would have been impossible for Pepper to read for the entire day, so every so often Heb took over for a story whilst she went and calmed down. Heb had a drink bottle, towel and bucket for Pepper to spit in, all on standby as she pushed through the books one by one. On her breaks Pepper kept nicking out onto the patio outside the staff room so she could have a quick cigarette (she took up smoking today), as well as what I will swear in court was just a hit of icing sugar. She always came out looking quite cheerful and giddy, and I’ll be damned if I let myself believe it was anything but good old saccharine bliss.

Both Pepper and Heb did an amazing job of keeping those kids both seated and enthralled, something which must have involved walking a very fine line. Often Heb would mime along to the stories whilst Pepper read them in her melodic, sing-song voice. The littlies loved it, dozens of them shifting forward to get closer to the heart of the action. Bron and I waited on standby in case a story required more characters. Bron was looking on with a glisten of pride in her eye as she watched how her son Hebron was playing with the kids, making sure they all joined in and had fun.

Pepper read more than books than I can remember, but here are my favourite ones. She read the tale of Konker the Krazy Klown who ran a circus which was so much fun that nobody ever left. She told the story of the Three Monkey Sisters who wore pretty tutus and loved to sing songs about why the government should invest more money in environmental sustainability. She recited a poem by Dr Seuss, which no-one over the age of 5 could understand. She chanted a ditty about how you should love your family no matter what. Bron and I joined in for this one, with Bron pretending to be Pepper’s lesbian wife.

All this story-telling and singing was exhausting, and after 6 hours – once all the children had been dragged away by their parents, all the while screaming for an encore – we all collapsed into the beanbags in the Children’s Area of the library. Pepper passed around a hip flask; Heb had one sip, smiled and fell asleep. Whilst Pepper lay and drank herself into a well-deserved stupor, I began the arduous task of cleaning up. All the tables had been upturned to be used as pirate ships, and the chairs had been stacked up high in a mock attempt to reach the sun. I carefully disassembled this OH&S nightmare and took dragged the excess pieces of furniture to the store cupboard.

When I got to it, however, I noticed that the lock was missing. Confused, I searched for it, eventually finding it shattered under one of the shelving tiers. When I opened the cupboard door I noticed immediately – it’s not that big a cupboard – that the broken remains of S.I.R. were gone. Pepper stumbled over and gasped, before grinning boozily in my face and falling onto me. I turned my head to the side so she wouldn’t accidentally kiss me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a black cape swishing: the same one I kept seeing. I tried to see more, but with a schmoozed, snoring librarian on top of me I couldn’t do much.

I slumped Pepper off me and carried her back to a comfy beanbag which would act as her bed for the time being. When I turned back the cape and its wearer had vanished. Ah well. It’s probably nothing. I have more important things to think about this week. We’re not even halfway through Library Week, and there are many more event is store for you. Until tomorrow, farewell!

-Jay

#64 Tuesday

Dear diary,

Happy National Library Technicians’ Day! Today libraries all across Australia celebrated the ‘techies’ in a variety of ways. Some hosted award ceremonies, others handed out expensive prizes for achievement, and some of the lesser funded locales simply gave them the day off. We, however, decided upon a different approach.

TJ and Sylvia decided to co-host today, although unlike Goldie and I they chose to cooperate. They blended their collections together for a teenage movie day, which ran in both the library and the Council hall next door. Sylvia hired two enormous projector screens, one for each venue, which were set up for screening the films. All looked set to go.

We realised at the last minute that Sylvia had forgotten to hire the projectors to go with them, as she didn’t read the form correctly (she’s illiterate and works in a library – go figure). This caused no amount of panic and upheaval this morning as we were getting ready. Sylvia locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out for an hour until Shannon coaxed her out with promises to let Sylvia drag her around gothic clothes shops and make her try on hundreds of long black dresses. Eventually Sylvia agreed and opened the door, her mascara streaked with tears.

Luckily TJ said he knew a guy who could help out. He called this ‘mate’ of his who drove around immediately and dropped off the two projectors. Out of the corner of my eye I saw TJ slip him some money from the petty cash box. We made eye contact and I nodded, quickly and solemnly. The end justifies the means. We set up the projectors and got everything ready just as the doors were about to open.

Today has been well advertised so we had a huge turnout. There were people spilling out of the Council hall and into the main foyer; dozens of adolescents keen to skip school so they could watch movies all day. We had to cordon off the area, giving the receptionists a valid excuse to stop work and join in the fun.

The only real hiccup was that one of the projectors stuffed up halfway trough the very first screening; the machine literally fell apart. TJ had to call up his ‘mate and slip him more of our funding to replace it with another one, seemingly from their unlimited supply of projectors. When the same thing happened twice more I began to get suspicious, and decided to tail the guy. When I followed him outside I was surprised to see the cloaked guy from the day before, leaning against the guy’s van, watching the door from underneath his hood. When he saw me he scampered.

I went back into the library to talk to Boudecia and let her know what was going on. I swiped my card at the staffroom entry and stepped into the back office, but there was no-one in sight. I heard a frightened SQUEAK! then a scurrying of claws and a HOOT, all coming from around the corner. I knew what this was, and walked, albeit trepidly, towards the gnawing sound coming from the shadows in the corner. As I approached one shadow lengthened impossibly fast, and after a moment out stepped Boudecia. She had a tail sticking out of her mouth, which she sucked in quickly and swallowed.

Ignoring the fact that my boss had just transformed from owl to human and devoured a mouse, not necessarily in that order, I pressed on and told her what I’d seen. She nodded sternly and said she would have a word to TJ about using the correct suppliers next time. He was really gonna get it later. I made my excuses and left the staffroom as soon as I could. I’ve seen Boudecia change shape before and it doesn’t shock me as much as it used to (hey, the library is also full of ghosts), but she just gives me the shivers sometimes.

Anyway, I won’t let that dampen my mood. Today we had a really awesome turn out and all I had to do was watch movies. This is the life!

-Jay

#63 Monday

Dear diary,

Welcome to the first day of Library Week! I can hardly believe it’s finally come. I’ve been waiting for this week to come for months now, especially today. Because this was my day to shine!

Months ago we – the library staff – all sat around and divvied up who does what when for Library Week in a rigorous paper-scissors-rock competition. Goldie and I got to share today, as we both had new things to showcase to the public. She is in charge of new books, whilst I keep the library up-to-date with the latest technology, mainly from BiblioTech. We would have to showcase both our displays of new stuff on the same day. We laughed at the time, thinking it would be a bit of friendly competition: the 55 year old choir-singing grandmother versus the 22 year old techno-geek. We didn’t know it then, but it was on.

This morning Goldie and I arrived an hour early so we could set up our respective displays. We arrive at the same time (I took her favourite car park), got out of our cars almost at the same time (she opened the passenger side of her car, the door jarring my way so I had to clamber out past the thorny hedge), entered the building at around the same time (she beat me there and tried to slam the door in my face) and got to our desks at roughly the same time (I accidentally shoved her into the Sequestered Stacks and unintentionally locked the door on her).

That set the scene for the rest of the morning. We competed for space, for display cabinets, for access to the Minties jar, for everything. I borrowed and conveniently lost her whiteboard marker; she emptied my display trolley into the returns chute. I was midway through making a thinly veiled threat about how she wouldn’t want anything to happen to those beautiful little kittens that live in her desk drawer when Boudecia appeared next to us. She made us go to separate ends of the library to host our displays, no questions, no remarks. We sullenly agreed and went off to complete our masterpieces.

The second the library boom gates opened, the place was full of people wanting to see what we had on show. I was so busy that I never actually saw how popular Goldie’s display was and nor did she see mine, so our wager was forgotten. All day I stood around explaining what each of the various new BiblioTech products did and how they have been integrated into the library.

The central display was the Library Utility Belt Equipment, which was positioned around the aforementioned belt which had the unfortunate acronym emblazoned on it. The belt and its equipment was created to replace a lot of the older and clunkier BiblioTech equipment, such as the Shelving & In-house Robot (S.I.R.), which is currently dismantled and tucked away in a cupboard in the Children’s Section, The L.U.B.E. is designed to hold several specialised shelving assistance items so that you’ll never be without. For example:

KneeSliders™ are pads you can put on the knees of your pants so the don’t wear when you shelve; they have the added benefit of allowing you to be able to kneel down and glide along carpeted areas. WrapJackets™ are book covers which not only protect books from damage, they also automatically straighten the cover and pages. The DeObstacliser™ is a wonderful little tool like a cross between tongs and an extender arm, which you use to shove other books, or even patrons, out of the way to recover books from those hard-to-reach places.

However, my favourite piece of equipment by far is the ReShelve™, the most advanced BiblioTech device by a long shot. You program in a returned item’s call number and the approximate coordinates of its destination and BAM! The device returns it to where it belongs. The ReShelve™ does this by extrapolating temporal energies of the ex libris and reboots its internal memory encoding with orientations of prior universal expositions. In other words, it sends the book back to where it used to be by looking at its past. In even simpler terms, it’s basically a handheld time machine.

I was very careful not to let get too close to the ReShelve™. It’s … my precious. As I was giving a demonstration of how the SuperScanner™ not only checks library cards but can also determine whether someone is trying to sign up with a fake ID, I noticed a suspicious character hovering around the ReShelve™ display cabinet. I couldn’t quite pick what it was that made me suspicious of him, except that he kept glancing downwards whenever he spotted me watching him watching the device. That, and he was wearing a long flowing black robe with a golden X symbol on the front and back. He just stood out, I guess.

Anyway, the day went great, though exhausting. Who knew talking at people all day could be so tiring? I’d better get some sleep and recharge, as we’ve got a busy schedule this week. Don’t miss out!

-Jay

#62 Anzac

Dear diary,

Hi everyone! I know it’s been a while since my last post, but I’ve been so flat out at the library that I haven’t had a moment’s rest. You know what that shelving can get like. Anyway, I had the best day at work today and just had to tell you about it. And the funniest part is, today was a public holiday, so the library wasn’t even open! Huh?

Libraries always close on public holidays, and so we never get a proper chance to celebrate, or in this case, commemorate, important events like today. Boudecia announced to us that it was unacceptable us not doing anything, seeing as we are a “strong pillar of the community”, especially since our claim to fame with the library tours around country Victoria (and to a lesser extent, the scandalous BiblioTech affair of last year). She took Shannon aside one day several weeks ago, and the two of them have been plotting away ever since, all in preparation for today. And it certainly paid off.

I woke up early and drove to work. It was difficult to keep driving past the building; I got a hankering to just duck inside for a moment to check on things, make sure TJ interfiled those requests like I asked him to. It’s a bad habit, thinking about work on your days off. I can’t even walk into a library now without tidying up the shelves and bitching with the Loans staff about the flaws in the cataloguing system.

I pulled up into the parking lot at the gardens just down the road from the library. There were already a lot of cars there with families dragging children out kicking and screaming and the parents promising them icecream afterwards if hey just behaved themselves for two minutes. I got out of the car and walked up to the cordoned off section of the park, where two large and unfriendly looking women fro the Lions Club were acting the role of bouncers just that little bit to well. I flashed my Staff ID card at them and kept walking. It’s important not to make eye contact with such types, as they can get vicious.

I entered the central pavilion, which was surrounded by several smaller ones, sprinkled with a couple of food and souvenir stalls. Boudecia stood majestically upon an Esky in the very centre, directing people around to set up. The moment I appeared she pointed for me to go and assist Shannon with the display stands. I obeyed, obediently.

Shannon filled me in on the details when I got over to her. Seeing as the Council refused to allow the library to open on a public holiday (too costly, they say, the penny-pinchers), we were going to have our own events in the gardens. Shannon had organised volunteers to set up a makeshift library, although seeing as we weren’t technically being governed by the Council on this day, we had a bit of leeway with what we could do.

Boudecia staffed the Mobile Library, Shannon the food and drink stand and me the niche community group pamphlet collectables stall. The volunteers helped out by running book clubs in choice locations, where people could drink champagne whilst rambling on about their latest delves into the world of fiction. They also sold old library books at overcosted prices (Shannon’s idea) and hosted trolley races (my idea).

My stall was basically an excuse to get rid of those fistfuls of pamphlets which are left in the library for moths, possibly even years, because the last few are never taken.

Here are a few of my favourites from amongst the hundreds we had stockpiled:

• Nudist Hiking Association (sturdy shoes permitted)
• Vampire Cookery Club (every meal is cooked in red wine sauce – not for the faint of liver)
• Marxism 2006 (better than 2005 I hear)
• International Organisation for the Protection of the Native Habitat of the Blue Crested Fire-Ant Eating Starlet (they meet once every four years)
• S.P.R.I.N.G. Inc. (no idea what they do but it sounds cool)
• World of Warcraft Addicts Anonymous (I took one for myself…)
• Green Energy: Why Aren’t You Doing More To Save The Planet You Lazy Slob (these had been given by Talia, a former library worker and political activist)

As midday approached we closed up the stalls and activity areas and congregated around the central pavilion. Boudecia, still atop her platform, gave a short speech about the importance of remembering what happened today all those years ago, and to remember the fallen. Everyone spent a moment in silent reflection, interrupted only by the sounds of the Crazy Frog ringtone and someone swearing mutedly as they rummaged through their bag for their mobile. Boudecia flashed them a look that instantly silenced both the person and the phone.

Boudecia stepped off the Esky and stood beside Shannon, who was holding a drum. She began tapping out a marching tune. She and Boudecia led the procession through the park to the memorial statue on the other side of the gardens. I stayed at the back to stop people from dawdling.

Today was about remembering the fallen, and I thought about Talia, my former flame. It was never reciprocated, but that’s beside the point. Talia and I, we almost had something once, but then she left the library and started seeing TJ (*cough* bastard *cough*). It’s strange how she up and left but there’s still her presence in the library, like the ghosts who live there. I guess once you’ve worked in a library for long enough you become part of it, and it becomes part of you too.

Anyway, the day was a great success. We had an excellent turnout and enjoyed ourselves a lot, especially Shannon, who had spent the day managing the drinks stand (which later became the drinks fall when she’d had too much punch). This has been a great warm-up for the events we’re holding for Library Week, which is from May 25^th-31^st. See you then!

-Jay

#61 Sophie

Dear diary,

Phew, it’s good to be back. If home is where the heart is,, and in my case, it’s 612.1. And I think I’ve found someone who loves the library just as much as me.

It was a quiet afternoon, and I’d been rushing through the shelving with ease. I’d chewed my way through Bibliographies and devoured Non-Fiction, and was just contemplating dessert – Junior. I made to move the trolley but it wouldn’t budge. I pulled the handlebars again experimentally, but the far corner was rooted to the spot. I circled the trolley but couldn’t find the cause of the problem, and whenever I tried to move the trolley, it was always the corner furthest from me that was firmly stuck in place.

So I climbed on top of the trolley (I would later receive a dressing down from Boudecia about my neglect of the sacred I swore to uphold OH&S regulations), and peered over the edge. There was a small girl standing there, her head barely topping the height of the trolley, brown hair camouflaged against the varnished mahogany of the wooden tiers. Hey, we’re receiving extra funding from BiblioTech now, so we can afford to indulge a little.

At first the girl just stood there staring at me with the wide, honest eyes of a preppie. Falling back into talking-to-kids mode, I squatted next to her – they tend to bond with people their own height, rather than looming authority figures – and asked her what books she’d like to read from my trolley. She blinked at me, and I realised she was going to be tricky. I asked if she wanted me to read to her, as this either makes them feel comfortable or gets rid of them, either option looking favourable at this point.

“I don’t like you. You’re patronizing me,” she stated. Her tone and vocabulary took me by surprise. She was very more cleverer than I’d thought.
“Well, you are a patron of the library, so by coming here you’re choosing to be ‘patron-ised’,” I replied. Take that, small child!

But she was unfazed. She held me in a staring contest, one that any child can easily win, and soon I was forced to cast my gaze downward. She began sifting through the books on my trolley, selecting one every now and then and asking me where it belonged. I pointed out the different sections to her: Junior Fiction, Junior Easy, Junior Ridiculously Easy (a.k.a. Blue Star), Picture Books, Bored Books (very simple stories designed to put kids to sleep), Chewed-on Books (a.k.a. donations or ‘pre-loved favourites’), Talking Books (like TV without the vision impairment later in life), DVDs, Videos, Magazines (including the woefully named young boy’s mag, Play Boy), Graphic Novels, Lame Joke Books, Junior Non-Fiction and Junior Biographies (half of which are about the kids from Harry Potter).

“That’s too many!” she exclaimed.
“No no, Junior’s the largest section in the library, it needs to be this big,” I explained. “We always need more books here. In fact, if anyone is reading this, then please put more money towards furthering this section of the library, wink wink, nudge nudge.”
“Who are you talking to?” she asked.
“Never you mind.” She thought for a moment, then returned to her interrogation.
“Where does all the money come from?”
“From the Council, next door. We also get money from a company called BiblioTech. See that robot putting books away? Or that scanner which makes the words in the book appear really large on the screen next to it? That’s where they came from.”

She absorbed all of this for a couple of seconds before asking me to explain other things in the library to her. She was full of boundless energy, but unlike many kids her age she seemed genuinely interested in all areas of the library, not just those that applied to her. I admit, as I showed her around the different areas I felt a surge of pride stirring I me. Se was just like me when I was that age, so curious and full of vim, with a passion for reading… I’m so glad I never grew out of that.

Eventually Sophie (we’d formally introduced ourselves after half an hour) asked me the ultimate question: Why do you wanna work in a library, mister? I’d had an answer prepared for years before I’d even started shelving here, but this was the first time anyone had asked me outright. Before I could help myself I’d launched into my spiel about the importance and the joys of lifelong learning and how the community benefits from education and how vital it is that we as the human race continue to push the boundaries of our imagination and understanding, and oh yeah, don’t you just love the smell of paper?

Sophie not only put up with my soliloquy, she nodded enthusiastically in agreement the whole way through. When I was finished (well, pausing for breath), she then asked the infuriating question which I am always asked: Do you get paid? I explained that Council jobs pay remarkably well, especially for Casuals, and that the hours are fairly flexible (I once turned up 6 hours late for a shift, and ended up keeping the library open overnight so I’d have company whilst shelving). I also explained weekend rates of pay (if you thought the normal rate was good, what I get on Sundays could cripple a small nation) and accruement of TIL (Time In Loo – paid toilet breaks).

The time flew by as we discussed the intricate details about the library. After a moment’s hesitation I told her about some of the ‘secret’ stuff, like the resident ghosts, the new ‘upgrades’ coming soon, and the fact that the boss can morph into an owl. Little Sophie took all of this in, and was clearly loving hearing about the library. We lounged around in the beanbags in Junior, and I recanted to her all about my adventures in the library.

As night approached and Sophie made to leave, I thanked her for showing an interest in the goings-on of the library. She curtseyed, a very old-school gesture for such a young one. As she walked out the door I thought to myself, there goes the next generation of shelver. The future looks bright indeed.

-Jay, shelver explorer

#60 Yahweh

Dear diary,

Pepper had kept our final destination a secret throughout the whole journey. I’d tried to plot it on the map, following the trajectory we’d made so far from west to north to east across rural Victoria in the Mobile Library. But it was only after noticing the ‘other’ pattern we’d been following that I correctly guessed where we were headed.

The van rolled onto the main road of our last town, albeit slowly. The street was crowded with people, more than could possibly live in this town. It appeared as though people had come from every town for miles for this parade. As we drove on the people parted to let us through, shouting and cheering us on. Heb came up to the front of the van and scanned the crowds ahead of us. He frowned and pointed out that there was nothing else on the road, and that everyone’s attention was focused on the Mobile Library. I slowly nodded in agreement, allowing for this interesting morsel of information to sink in.

Pepper sat there in the driver’s seat with a huge, knowing grin on her face. Suddenly she told me to take the wheel, and before I could react she wound down the window and leaned out. I grabbed the steering wheel as our librarian climbed out of the window and onto the roof. Heb opened the skylight and poked his head out like a periscope. He reported that Pepper was, um, setting up massive speakers and, um, reaching into her, um, ah, you know, hehe, cleavage, and, um, pulling out a microphone and, um, speaking to the, um, crowd and oh wait you can hear that, um, okay never mind then you know what she’s saying.

I drove at about 5kph to allow for people to come up to the window and shout their blessings to us. One woman threw her underwear at Heb, who blushed bright red to match the silken lingerie. A man, woman I recognised from FaceBook pics as Pepper’s husband, climbed on top of the van and handed Pepper a bouquet of flowers. I looked out of the windows and beamed with joy. Kids were looking up to us as role models, grandparents praising us for providing a service for their whole lives, and parents lauding us for taking both the youngins and the oldies off their hands. It was truly spectacular.

Pepper had organised another treat for us. I parked the Mobile Library van and immediately there was a knock on the door. Tentatively I opened it, steeling myself for the inevitable onslaught of the rushing masses, only to be met with a surprising sight. Boudecia stepped into the van, raised her eyebrows (which for her is a massive sign of approval) and walked past me. Bron rushed in straight behind her to embrace Heb in an embarrassing way that only a mother can master. The rest of the gang poured in: Goldie, Sylvia, Ernesto, TJ and even Talia. Shannon entered last and opened up a book she was holding. The transparent image of the Bookman, the main library’s resident ghost and also Shannon’s father, soared out of it and floated in the air.

Pepper, Heb and I took a much needed break while the other staff staffed the Mobile Library. We went to the local pub and had a five-and-a-half-star banquet meal, all the time surrounded by excited onlookers. It felt a bit Orwellian but definitely not unpleasant, to be watched by so many avid readers all wanting to be in the presence of we humble library workers. I looked from Heb’s face to Pepper’s to my own (there was a mirror handy), and I could see we were all grinning wildly. This was heaven to us.

The celebrations lasted all day, with massive library thoroughfare the likes of which we had never seen, except possibly in Reeding. I managed to sneak away to have a moment to myself. Sitting out the back of the pub, I mused over the events of the past few weeks. I’d experienced rural Australia and met heaps of interesting people. I’d sung on stage, been involved in a bar fight, experienced the wonderful Australian outback, rescued someone from a kidnapping, met a beautiful woman…

Ursula appeared from around the corner, smiling and holding two champagne glasses. She came over and sat next to me.

“How did you find me?” I asked.
“Well, your van does kinda stand out.”
“Not that much.”
“Ah, yeah, good point. Would you believe me if I told you it was a coincidence?”
“Like us visiting towns whose names just happen to start with L-I-T-E-R-A-C-Y?”
“Two good points. Okay, you win, I’ve been kinda sorta uh following you since our last meeting. Thought you might need me to bail you out again or something.”

She chuckled softly and took off her rapper beanie to reveal her long black flowing hair. She looked incredible, stunning, so damn hot! She leant forward and or lips touched for one precious moment.

Suddenly my ears flattened and I snapped my head around as the sound, breaking our connection. Through the open door of the library I saw a pile of books lying on the floor where someone had dropped them, and was now walking out of the library. I stood up straight, apologised to Ursula and ran off to do what I was born to do: shelve.

-Jay, Shelver Explorer

#59 Captionville

Dear diary,

Captionville is, quite literally, a ghost town. There was absolutely nothing there where the map said there should be. I double and triple checked the map, which clearly stated there should be a settlement present at our precise location. The Japanese SatNav woman kept repeating that there should be a “town pleasant”. But there was almost nothing save for us and the dust.

I got out of the van and wandered over to a withered signpost, proudly welcoming us to Captionville. It must’ve once been used as a notice board, for it was partially covered with newspaper headlines and local ads. The most recent date on the newspaper was two weeks ago, advertising a traveling circus called Jokulation s “Coming Soon”. I shot a look back to Pepper in the van, but she was as befuddled as I. I got back in the passenger’s seat and turned to her and Heb, who had just woken up to the sound of nothing happening.

“So, does this mean we get the next few days off?” I asked politely.
“This isn’t right, there should be a town here,” she replied evasively.
“Well, there isn’t,” I retorted smugly.
“Check the map again. Maybe it’s outdated, she responded coolly.
“It was printed this year – we picked it up from a cartographer in the last town,” I reminded her.
“Check the SatNav again,” she tested me.
“It said it was ‘in cahoots with the charter’,” I shot back impatiently.
“Um, can-,” Heb interjected bashfully.
“Why do you men have to be so difficult,” Pepper questioned hypothetically.
“I’m not being difficult, I’m simply pointing out that that there is no town where there should be. Don’t throw this back on me,” I aggrieved angrily.
“There-,” Heb interrupted weakly.
“What, so are you saying this is my driving? Would you prefer me to navigate?” Pepper challenged accusatorily.
“No, everyone knows men have better spatial and map-reading skills. Have you ever read Allen Pease?” I referenced sarcastically.
“His wife Barbara has a lot to say about men being stubborn too,” she cross-referenced swiftly.
“Hold on, what’s that?” Heb intervened successfully.
“What?” Pepper and I uttered synchronistically.
“Those dots around the town, on the map,” he proceeded curiously. “I think they’re farms. Maybe we could visit them instead..?”
“…” I emitted thoughtfully.
“Okay, good plan Heb!” Pepper encouraged enthusiastically. “Let’s roll!” she added, leadingly.

So, after some debate we decided that since there was no town to visit per se, we’d instead tour the local area and see whether anyone was keen on borrowing any books. We had some minor interest, not as much as we would have had had we had a town populace to administer, but beggars can’t be choosers.

To be honest, I’m enjoying the quiet pace of things at the moment. We’ll soon be of to our last port of call before heading back home. I haven’t seen my family and friends in weeks, and it would be nice to catch up and make sure they haven’t been doing anything nearly as interesting as me. So long!

-Jay

#58 Agartha

Dear diary,

The day began as any other. We opened the library to the general public, and enjoyed a steady flow of customers. Agartha is also known as the underworld capital of outer Victoria. There was several dodgy figures hanging around the library, including one guy who, as far as I could tell, was taking bundles of free bookmarks from the stands and selling them around the corner. The police came in for a ‘random’ drug bust of the premises. Twice. But otherwise things seemed quite normal.

We closed the Mobile Library at 1, and Heb went off on his lunch break while Pepper and I held another video conference with the staff back at the ‘immobile’ library back home. It was good to catch up with everyone. Goldie had made a delicious-looking cake, which she said she wanted to share with us. She took a photo with the library’s high-quality digital camera, loaded the ink cartridge on the fax machine with the ink fro those scented textas, and faxed us over a copy. Not quite as good as the real deal, but close.

We had a brief update on current affairs. Sylvia has hired some volunteers to come in once a week to teach internet classes to people from multicultural backgrounds. The fact that the volunteers don’t speak a word of English, nor or each other’s languages or those of the ESL groups, is a minor downside but she doesn’t think it’ll be an issue. Shannon reported that the library’s unofficial ‘ghosts’ have instrumental in making storytime more exciting in Pepper’s absence, and are now a permanent fixture in the program. Boudecia says she has officially received Talia’s notice of resignation, and that TJ says she sends us all her love from her current charity work posting in a small town in Victoria called Yahweh.

We were about to log out when there was a knock on the door. I answered it but there was no-one there, just an envelope on the floor addressed To The Librarian. It was a ransom note, made of bits of shredded books, demanding we pay $500,000 if we ever wanted to see Heb alive. Pepper and I exchanged glances, then I quickly unplugged the computer, shutting off the connection. I didn’t want Bron hearing about her son like this.

Pepper and I dialed the number on the bottom of the note, and were confused and slightly disappointed when we were met with the library after hours recorded message, edited for ransom purposes. It told us in a courteous manner to come to a shady club in own, without telling the police, and to bring the money in a library bag.

We went together, both nervous about Heb’s and our own wellbeing. We walked in cautiously, Pepper’s arm around mine, practically crushing it out of fear. As we made our way to the stated meeting spot I heard familiar music playing upstairs. It was Ursula’s band! When we got there we saw Ursula singing, and Heb and a very familiar face sitting over in the corner.

I walked over and demanded Heb be released. Viktor looked up at me slyly, and smirked. He had tied to take over the library only a few months ago, but had been chased out by Boudecia; he still had the claw marks to prove it. He explained to myself and a bewildered Pepper that he had been on the run from the BiblioTech secret police, and when he had heard we were touring here he’d come for revenge. As he said this he lifted his gun, which until now had been hidden under the table, and laughed maniacally. But they were the only fifteen seconds of fame he would get.

Ursula had noticed us, and clued on that something wasn’t right by the looks on our faces. When she’d spotted the gun she reacted impulsively, bringing her guitar down on Viktor’s head, knocking him out cold. Pepper clutched Heb to her bosom, engulfing him in her cleavage while she whispered to him that he’d be okay. I called the olice and within ten minutes Viktor was being driven off in a divvy van.

Ursula and I parted ways for the second time out the front of that club. We embraced awkwardly, then looked at our respective shoes and made comments about the weather. I couldn’t find the words to thank her enough for saving our lives, so instead I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek before smiling and running off to join the others at the Mobile Library. I immediately pitied myself for my sheepishness, and when I turned back she was gone. I hope I get to see her again.

-Jay

#57 Reeding

Dear diary,

After the overall success we’d had with the Mobile Library, especially in Rado and Ironwood, it was understandable that we were a bit cocky. Pepper and I had created a large banner that read “Bigger than Alexandria”. We were flying high; we thought we were invincible. But we were wrong.

I remember the look of excitement on Pepper’s face when we drove into the town of Reeding. People were peering out at us from their homes as the library passed down the main streets. Pepper turned on the music, an we drove on to our temporary base in the town square to the theme of Greensleeves. People followed us down the roads, drawn to the allure of the library like rats to the Pied Piper. It seemed so magical.

I remember leaving Pepper in the driver’s seat, her eyes aflame with enthusiasm, and walking down the narrow corridor of the “staffroom” to the library itself. Heb was sitting there shelving the last few books in Non-Fiction. His face betrayed a hint of glee as we sat and listened to the marching footsteps of the masses, steadily closing the gap between us. I stood up and walked over to the door. This was going to be a great day in Mobile Library history. So many interested people!

I remember how the library stopped moving, and with a grin plastered to my face, I opened the door.

The most apt collective I can use to describe the people who flooded into the library s a swarm. A swarm of patrons. I was knocked back and sandwiched between the wall and the door. Amidst the rush of legs I saw Heb duck and roll under the shelves just as shoes came stomping down on where he’d been only seconds ago. Pepper cowered behind the checkout desk, struggling to deal with so many people wanting to borrow all at once. I managed to wedge myself free and crowd-surfed my way to the counter to com to her relief.

The insanity continued for several hours. It was a very warm day, and we sweltered from all the body heat in such close confinements. I briefly saw Heb’s face among the crowd, his expression a mask of pure terror. We could do nothing except fend the horde off one borrower at a time. Several times I saw people in he queue get fed up with the extraordinarily long wait and walk out with their books, but there was nothing I could do to stop them.

At 5 to 5 Pepper announced that the library would be closing. By announced I mean she screamed into a megaphone and was barely audible over the din. It worked like magic though. Everyone departed, and at 5pm on the dot the library was bereft of life, save for staff, and that was stretching the definition. We were all exhausted. The library was a mess. Heb was breathing heavily underneath the wreckage of the Junior shelving, and I was lying on the counter, head throbbing.

Pepper was the only one who had any life left in her. She was using two poster rolls as crutches to walk around and inspect the damage, beginning by putting out a small fire that had arisen in what was left of Fiction. The shelves had been annihilated, with tiers and books strewn across the floor. A spinneret was poking through a smashed window. The floor was caked with muddy footprints, most of which were human. It was horrendous.

On that first night we sat around the campfire, deep in thought. Pepper was fingering her wedding ring. She’d told us that she’d been keen on going on this trip, despite having only gotten married a few months prior, but she was clearly missing him now. She’d gone to all these lengths to plan and prepare for this trip to be fantastic, but she looked so disheartened by what had happened that day. I wanted to talk to her and cheer her up but had so little energy to spare. Instead I began to head to bed, then had a flash of inspiration. I drew a quick picture to a Post-It note, stuck it to Pepper’s head and trotted off, humming merrily to myself.

She’s resourceful, I’ll give her that. By the time I woke up the next morning Pepper had removed all the “Free!!” banners and other promo stuff for the exterior. She’d also installed the gate system I’d hastily drawn for her, made out of pieces of wrecked shelving and decorated with coloured paper. Only five patrons were allowed in the library at any one time, and in addition, anyone wanting to borrow a book first had to return everything they’d borrowed and help Heb and I with the shelving for a few minutes. Pepper also had a few stern words with some of the previous day’s thieves whom I pointed out to her. We reclaimed nearly 40 books from them; a definite bonus.

The Mobile Library is now up and ready to go again. Next stop: Agartha!

-Jay

#56 Eldo/Rado

Dear diary,

Oh. My. God. Eldo is awesome! It’s a large country town with a massive shopping mall and cinema complex and leisure centre and planetarium and more than you would ever imagine would exist in a place that barely registers as a dot on a map of outback Victoria. They even have an enormous library service which is well stocked and has competent staff (I gave them a run for their money though with some challenging questions, just to test them). But sadly, we’re barely going to spend any time in Eldo, as Pepper gloomily informed me on our first day.

Our work was in the twin town of Rado, which has more socio-economic disadvantage than you could poke a long and pointed stick at. According to the Resource Department of the second floor of the local history section in the Eldo Public Library, the two towns were originally one large city, but it was cleft in twain in the Great Gold Rush Revival of 1982. Many people from the Eldo ward became rich overnight while those from the Rado ward lost everything.

We’ve been hired by the mayor of Rado to “promote the benefits of lifelong learning among the community”, which really means we’re here to stop it going further up the creek minus a paddle. The townsfolk are wary of stepping into the neighbouring town as prices there are through the roof. Pepper came up with an ingenious plan to encourage them to visit the Mobile Library. She spent all the first night designing posters and banners saying “FREE!!”, which she hoped would attract patrons-to-be.

While she was off in her ‘design lab’, and her own world, I decided to take Heb out and show him around town, as some exposure to sunlight and the general public would do him well. We spent hours looking in book stores and the library until even I was bored (and trust me, that takes a lot). He was engrossed, but I wanted him to experience some of the finer qualities of real life.

The pub was fairly empty when we stepped in. He immediately ran to a dark corner booth where no-one could see us. I followed reluctantly. He was hesitant to have a drink, in case it blurred his vision and he couldn’t read the Chaucer he’d snuck in under his shirt. Eventually I convinced him into having a ‘Jezebel Bonchance’ cocktail by pretending that alcohol won’t affect you if you drink it quickly. He was naïve enough for it to work.

By the eighth round we were both so drunk that we were slurring, so we came up with the idea of speaking only in Dewey. I said I wanted to take that pretty girl back to the caravan and read some 613.95, but he countered by reminding me I was in no state to operate 629.222 within 994 or I would face 347. He then seemed to recall he was 297 and that his 173 would be disrupted, but he didn’t really mind due to some tricky 158.1 and besides, we should get some take-away 641.5.

We stumbled towards the general direction of the door but didn’t make it. I slammed into the wall and fell to the floor, while Heb ended up lying on a pool table. The people who were playing were upset about this cessation to their tournament and there was a fight, of which I only saw the start before I dozily passed out.

I awoke the next morning in the caravan and panicked. I’d left Heb, inebriated and alone, in a bar full of boozy ruffians. How would I explain this to Bron? She’d kill me, and then I’d never get to finish the Robert Jordan series! My hangover slowed me right down, and it too a good ten minutes to make it from my room at one end of the Mobile Library, to the other to tell Pepper I was partially responsible for the death of our only shelver.

But I’d underestimated Heb. He was standing out the front of the library, surrounded by a huge group of townspeople. Several pairs of eyes and bewildered expressions turned to face me in the doorway. Pepper came up behind me and offered around some coffee. She told the story of how she’d been in town looking for inspiration in the bottom of a glass when she’d heard a commotion. When she went to investigate she found Heb displaying his learnings from Sun Tzu’s The Art of War and a handful of martial arts books, against a rowdy mob of snookerers. Pepper went in to rescue Heb and used her high heels and gymnast legs to help bring the fight to a close.

News had traveled fast, and it wasn’t every day that two out-of-towner nerds, one a woman and the other a kid, came along and beat up a gang of blokes. Half the population of Rado had come to see these strange newcomers, and many were captivated by a combination of an impressive collection of library material and Pepper’s signage. We had a large wave of borrowers that first day. Here’s hoping we can keep it up for the next fw days before we move on.

-Jay

#55 Thompson

Dear diary,

Can I just say that I love being in outback Australia! It’s quiet, bright, warm and open. The people of the towns and cities are really friendly, and while many of them are quirky you rarely get any bad sorts. You can relax out here without a care in the world. It’s just like one giant library, only without the shelf-reading.

As we drove into the satellite town of Thompson the people stopped and stared at us, as though they’d never seen a Mobile Library before (which, fair enough, few people have). Our first day was fairly busy, with many people, most of them curious about what we actually were. The DVD and Talking Book collections confounded them – one woman crossed herself every time she walked past them. She asked in a timid voice why we had so many computers set up, and when I told her they were for a conference with the other library staff her expression became glazed, like a deer caught in the headlights.

Pepper and I sat at the table for the conference whilst Heb hid from view – he still hadn’t called his mother to tell her he’d come with us. Our efforts to keep mum proved futile when mum (a.k.a. Bron) appeared on screen and castigated her wayward son. She was smirking as she told him off so she can’t have been that mad. Right?

Everyone else waved hello – Shannon even made a banner – before getting down to business. Pepper updated them all on our progress so far: Sixty-eight temporary borrowers, One hundred and twelve loans, an average daily door count of Ninety-and-a-third people, and only One stolen magazine (I turned my back for a moment and that little girl stole Quantum Mechanics Quarterly – who’d have thought?).

Boudecia recounted to us what’s been happening at the (non-mobile) library. Sylvia has ordered in Talking Bookmarks for people who listen to audio CDs. Whilst striving to add to the Teenage collection, Goldie accidentally purchased some Porno Graphic Novels. TJ says he will look into them, avidly.

Ernesto banned a boy from using the computers because he had been hacking into the system. The boy kept sneaking back into the library to cause mayhem with the public internet, so Ernesto laid a trap for him, with Shannon’s expert assistance. The boy’s parents were called and found him tangled in a mesh wire net, with a bill for electronic damages pinned to his shirt.

It was good to ‘touch base’ with everyone. As much as I love this outback life it does feel a little isolating at times. I’m still getting used to seeing Pepper and Heb every day. Pepper has this annoying habit of singing along to every single song on the radio. When patron’s come in and comment she shushes them, then when they’ve gone she hums and gradually resumes singing.

Heb on the other hand,, is almost non-verbal, speaking only when spoken to. He always looks so intense; he’s made more than one kid cry when reading them a picture book in his sombre, deadpan voice. I didn’t think I would qualify to be able to say this about anyone else, but he really needs to get out more.

Anyway, we’re off ina few days, to the twin towns of Eldo and Rado. Sounds fun!

-Jay

#54 Ironwood

Dear diary,

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope you all had as great a time as we did. We left the town of Lilliput on New Year’s Eve and stopped off at a roadside motel. We spent the night there laughing an swapping stories with the other guests, which included a traveling hip hop band, three missionaries and a drunk man who claimed to a be a superhero. It was good to talk to some kindred spirits. One of the hoppers, a buxom stunner named Ursula, even gave me her number! We left early the next morning and drove to our second port of call with the Mobile Library.

We didn’t get the best reception when we first arrived in the town of Ironwood. The townsfolk weren’t as interested in the joys of the library as the good people of Lilliput were. For one, the people are all really tall and appear quite ominous. On our first day people tied their dogs’ leashes to the bumper bar for the day. When I went outside to tell them not to do it, I took one look at the ‘dogs’ they were attaching to the van – giant wolf-like snarling beasts – and decided it would be best to go back inside and hide under a table.

That night I sat by Pepper at our campfire. Heb was reading quietly in his bunk, as he’d been doing most of the day. Pepper sat by the fire gloomily, staring straight ahead at the burning receipt rolls she’d tossed on the heap. Not one new borrower had joined, and this was better than throwing stuff away. Pepper spoke softly, not to me but the fire, telling it about all the wonderful ideas she’d used to try and promote the library, and ow utterly every one of them had failed today. I couldn’t bear to see her so miserable so I stood up and walked off into town.

I wandered into the only place worth visiting in Ironwood: the pub. I was about to order my usual drink – a triple soy chai latte with a hint of bergamot and a slice of rockmelon – when I remembered this wasn’t a trendy city café, and they might not have clean glasses. I swiveled on my chair, stood up and bumped in none other than Ursula. She smiled and squeeze-hugged me before I could react.

We sat and talked, reminiscing about the good old days when we first met last year. She told me that her band were performing at the pub in just under an hour. Suddenly an idea struck me. What if I could help to make the library more popular through the medium of music? I quickly related my idea to Ursula, who was equally excited, if somewhat confused at how it was going to work. Told her not to worry, that I would take care of everything, if she’d let me have the mike during the interval.

Here's my freestyle rap impersonation:

“Why is this town so scary?
People actin' like they don't like the library
They don't give a damn ‘bout book sharin'
'Bout literacy no-one's carin'
In your lives you all gotta read sometime
Weather reports and the daily crime
But why stick to the tedium of the news
When you can read about wha'e'er you choose

Romance, action, world affairs
Drama, mystery, all have flair
Why live your life in a cage?
Won't you turn to the next page?

‘Cos it’s all at the Mobile Lib’ry
C’mon have another look
We can handle all your questionin'
Where is this book?”

They applauded me at the end, none more than a very impressed-looking Ursula. I was bought several rounds that night, and stumbled back to the Mobile Library with a smug grin plastered on my face, plastered being the theme of the night. The next day you could hardly see the door from the front counter for all the people at the library. Pepper was over the moon, and made it her duty to accommodate every single request they had. Ursula came and tried to hand me some of her band’s earnings from the previous night, but I told her that as a Council employee I could not accept such bribes. Instead I let her hug me again, as she likes doing that (and secretly, I like it when she does it).

So, we’re heading off shortly to the next town. See y’all later, pimps ‘n’ hoes! (Sorry, it’s the burgeoning rapper in me.)

-Jay