Sunday, May 31, 2009

#69 Sunday

Dear diary,

I wish today hadn't happened.

-Jay



EDIT: Still wishing today hadn't happened. BUt, sadly, that's not how it works.

So here's my story.

Library Week came to a close today, and so to celebrate we (the staff) decided we were sick of patrons and that we should definitely go to the pub. The idea was that we'd draw straws, and the unlucky ones became designated drivers and had the morning shift on Monday.

As 5pm drew closer in the afternoon you could feel the anticipation building. TJ was standing by the clock, counting down the minutes, whilst Pepper shooed everyone out as quickly as possible. This was my seventh day in a row at work, because I'd needed the money, and I was very wound up aving not slept the night before. I lost it at one woman who came to the checkout counter at 4:59 and had fines and overdues on her card. In the five seconds it took for TJ to drag me away and Pepper to get to serve the woman, I'd yelled at her, cut up her card and had been frisbeeing her books over her head.

Boudecia was waiting in the staffroom. After hearing what had just happened she told Pepper and TJ to get a head start on the unwinding process at the pub, whilst she disciplined me for my actions. They left gratefully, and then it was just the boss and I.

Before she could say anything I revealed everything I knew about the monks and their activities to Boudecia this morning. If she was surprised she didn't show it; she simply nodded as I explained what I thought they were after. I finished my monologue and waited for her response. She asked me to get my L.U.B.E. as we were going to need it. At first I thought she was being very lewd and highly inappropriate, until it clocked and I got the Library Utility Belt and its Equipment. I laid out the equipment on the table...

...and then there was a knock on the back door. Nobody should have been there. Boudecia opened it without hesitation, and Sue Tonius walked in. Oh right, she was just collecting her research paper, I thought. She had a smirk on her face, and it was then that I noticed what was tucked under her arm: a familiar-looking black cloak with a sliver of gold. Boudecia and I stood there frozen as Sue draped the cloak over her clothes, her smirk changing to a wild grin.

S.I.R. wheeled around the corner. She must have repaired it, for it was back up and working, its red eyes gleaming at me in horrible recognition. Nobody moved or spoke for an eternity of seconds. I broke the moment by moving to put myself between Sue and the ReShelve™, which she had been eyeing on Monday. S.I.R. struck out an arm and dragged me out. I struggled wildly against it, but to no avail. It dragged me back to the Sequestered Shelves, threw me inside and locked the door.

I looked out through the tiny window to see S.I.R. tying Boudecia to a chair. She didn’t resist, but never too her eyes off Sue. Sue stared back at her, completely satisfied. She picked up the ReShelve™ and tossed it in her hand, a bemused and victorious expression on her face. She then picked up her research paper and tore of the back cover to reveal a scribbled paragraph. She recited it like a chant, though I couldn’t hear the words through the thick glass.

I turned away, shamefaced. I was so close to stopping this whole thing, but now I was trapped in here, unable to stop it from happening. I slumped against the door and looked into the pitch blackness of the Sequestered Stacks to see … Bookman! The ghost floated to the floor and came up right next to me, its luminescent eyes unreadable. I told him desperately what I needed to do, and he immediately floated off behind one of the Stacks. At first I heard nothing, and then the Stack slowly began to tip forward. I dived out of the way as it came crashing down on the door, twisting the metal and breaking it open.

I ran out of the room to see Sue fiddle with the ReShelve™, which was glowing a brilliant red. I ran to stop her but S.I.R. whacked me in the guts. I fell down, wheezing, but I wasn’t going to be defeated. After all, it was just a robot, whereas I was a Real Shelver. From my position on the ground I drew back my legs and kicked with all my might. S.I.R. flew back, taken by surprise, and crashed into Sue. I quickly got up and ran over to Boudecia. I untied her, then grabbed Sue’s paper. S.I.R. grabbed my arm from behind, and I spun around and stuck the thick essay right in its gut. It reeled back, looked down, saw I’d Shelved it real good, and then it died.

The ReShelve™ chose that moment to go haywire. Streaks of light burst out of it, and a piercing shrill wail ripped through the air. I shouted to Boudecia that we needed to stop the small time machine from going critical, as that was what Sue wanted: to use it to restore the library building to its original state, as the church of the Order of the Sacred Text. I saw Sue grab the ReShelve™ and shoot a triumphant look, which was short-lived as Boudecia walloped her over the head with the L.U.B.E. Boudecia took the machine, looked up at me, and for the first time ever she gave a small smile. And then she threw the device to the floor, and was consumed by the blinding light.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Saturday, May 30, 2009

#68 Saturday

Dear diary,

Today was Shannon’s day to run stuff for Library Week. She organised to have a history tour of the library, in dedication to library staff past and present, as well as the history of the building itself. She had local historian Sue Tonius research and create a presentation about the origins of the land on which the library stands. Despite my own enthusiasm – I have a great passion for libraries which sadly isn’t shared by many members of the public, or even the staff – Shannon Harper didn’t believe this would attract crowds, so she asked her father for help.

Colin Harper (a.k.a. Bookman) was the former Head Librarian at this library. He died several years ago, and like all library staff who have fallen in the line of duty, he came back as a ghost. He and the other ghosts live in (or ‘haunt’) the Sequestered Stacks at the back of the staffroom, and rarely venture out from there. Today, though, they thought they’d make an exception. After all, a history lesson has more punch when advertised as a ghost tour.

Shannon showed a group of savvy patrons around the various sections of the library, telling them as they went about the people who used to work in and visit the library, and what gruesome or scandalous things had happened to them. She exaggerated wherever she could, and in fact seemed to derive pleasure out of watching her captivated audience squirm with each new shocking ‘fact’. For their part the ghosts were excellent. Shelves rattled at opportune moments, trolleys wheeled themselves, feint music could be heard and the distance (Heb recorded his mum singing in the shower that morning, and so Bookman carried around an iPod wth the recording, playing it from shelves behind the group).

Local historian Sue Tonius had done some research on the history of the library, which was left mostly abandoned by the mesmerised tour group. I myself was avoiding the dully and verbose essay Sue had written up until Bookman appeared beside me, having just petrified the group with a haunting refrain from Bron’s Greatest Hits. He was trying to tell me something, but unlike in the story of Lassie I just wasn’t getting the message. Frustrated, he flew off into Fiction and after a moment hurled a few books at my feet. I went to pick them up, then remembering how ghosts communicate, I checked the spine labels.

JAY CHE KIT OUT DAD ISP LAY

Oh dear, I thought, text speak has infiltrated all levels of society. I was about to chastise his poor spelling when several more tomes flew at my head. Reading these made more sense.

EMB LEM OND MON KYU HAV SEE NIS IND ERE

My curiosity peaked, I walked over to Sue’s essay and flicked through. Realising this could take all day even with my fast reading pace, I whipped out the BlurbMaker™, one of my previewed devices. This gives a summary of a book or even a chapter, so you can quickly decide whether something is worth reading. I found what I was looking for, sped read over it and gasped. I glanced around furtively then stole away to the staffroom, research essay in hand.

I made up some story to Shannon about having to stay back late, as she was meant to be the last to leave, and I’m still at the library now. I’ve been reading Sue’s research over and over, and it’s becoming clearer each time. The library has been around for 55 years, but originally this building (pre-renovated days) was a church. Looking back further, it turns out that church used to be a monastery belonging to an orthodox sect known as the Heralds of the Sacred Text. The HOST were monks who believed that the Bible itself held immense power, and stove to collect as many copies as possible in an effort to store and contain this power. The monks wore black robes with a golden cross on them.

It explains why I’ve been seeing monks around, but it doesn’t make sense of why they’ve been interfering with and coveting BiblioTechnology, or why they have plans of the building layout. I’m going to stay here tonight and work on this, with Bookman and Boudecia (she’s currently in her owl cage preening her feathers). Tomorrow’s the big day with the end of Library Week party. All staff are going to be busy, and seeing as the monks are showing a lot of activity at the moment, my guess is that if they’re going to do anything ‘big’ it will be then.. I just hope I can work out what that might be and prepare for it before I fall asleep.

*yawn*

-Jay

Friday, May 29, 2009

#67 Friday

Dear diary,

Every morning at 8:30 all morning staff have to do shelf-reading for half an hour, before the library opens. Making sure books are in the correct order is normally not the most exciting task, and I can easily see how many people would be bored out of their skull after less than five minutes of it, but I’ve always managed to keep my mind occupied whilst my hands work their magic across those tiers. I got into work today to find Heb and TJ slumped against the shelves, both clearly asleep on the job. I tutted to myself. I whipped out the ReShelve™ and calibrated the settings to ESBs (Existing Shelved Books). I set the Dewey range, made sure I activated No Friendly Fire (slows do the process but avoids temporal collisions) and hit Enter.

The whirring sound the handheld time machine emitted lasted only a few seconds, but it was enough to instantly wake up both the guys. They stared in sluggish wonderment as the ReShelve™ fired up. Books all around began flitting out f existence, only to reappear in their correct location moments later. One folio vanished from TJ’s hand, freaking him out no end. I explained to Heb and TJ that the device had a recording of the relative position of where the book belonged when the device was programmed, and it used that geo-temporal postioning to return the books to where the used to be. It could also find lost books hidden under shelves and restore them to their rightful place. This took fifteen seconds to explain, and by this time the ReShelve™ had finished its job.

Suddenly all the lights went out, throwing the sections of te library away from natural lighting into pitch darkness. Ah, I said, there’s one small catch: it uses a lot of energy. Bron and Ernesto came out of the staffroom, carrying chairs for their event today. They sighed in unison and asked us to help them take the rest of the chairs up to the front area of the library. Heb and TJ trunched over as I checked how much power the ReShelve™ had used. It was a lot. It looked like we’d be without power for the rest of the day.

Bron opened the library roller door at 9:00. She met people as they entered, conversing politely with everyone and ushering them to the seats set up around the front area. Even people who had just wanted to browse through the collections were drawn into conversation with Bron and before they knew it they were sitting down and actually looking forward to the speeches. Bron’s gentle nature and her uncanny ability to find common ground with everyone meant that there was not a single complaint about the lack of proper lighting. In fact I overheard two elderly men saying how much nicer it was without the harsh luminescent glare of the ceiling lights. Amazing, how some people can make the best of any situation.

When everyone was seated Ernesto took to the podium. The microphone had been taken out by the ReShelve™ surge of ’09, and so he had to speak loudly to be heard. He quietened everyone as only a librarian can, then spoke briefly about the importance of Library (and Information) Week in emphasising the role that libraries play in the community. The crowd applauded, and he passed the mike (metaphorically, alas) to the Council Mayor, Cr Phil Turdwater. I was expecting a generic ‘it’s wonderful to see you all here and thank you for coming’ kind of speech that politicians seem to make at community events, but again Phil surprised me by speaking about his own experiences of loving his local library when he was a young boy. I really have to get over my dislike of politicians.

After Phil there were speeches by representatives from BiblioTech and from the Library (and Information) Week events team. I tuned them out and scanned the crowd for any attractive young female bibliophiles. I quit my search the moment I saw a black-robed character at the back of the crowd. I moved quietly behind the crowd – moving silently is part of our shelver training – and came up behind the cloaked figure. I was tempted to unhood them and find out once and for all who this mysterious trouble-maker was, but then I noticed a roll of paper sticking out from their pocket.

I removed it carefully so as not to disturb them. Hey, if they can play with my technology I’m rightfully entitled to nick their stuff. I stepped back and unrolled the paper. It was a labeled diagram of the library. Why would anyone carry that around with them? They certainly weren’t an architect. I rolled up the blueprints and was about to replace them, but then decided against it. Something conspiratorial was going on, and I was going to get to the bottom of it. I shimmied back to the staffroom and tucked the blueprints into my bag. This was homework. This … is personal.

-Jay

Thursday, May 28, 2009

#66 Thursday

Dear diary,

Today was almost a reprieve from the hustle and bustle of the week so far. By reprieve, I mean that we did what we would have normally done today, which was hold our fortnightly staff meeting. By almost, I mean that we extended the invitation to the meeting, somewhat. By somewhat, I mean that it was an open forum for the public, so that they could have their say.

Myself and the other staff sat around the usual table where we have our staff meetings. We were all acutely aware that t had been moved to the centre of the library and that we had a surrounding crowd of about twenty-five people, all regular patrons and important members of the community. Constance Yow Ting, outspoken councilor and human rights activist; Hammond X, the larger-than-life youth music rapper (and a fan of poetry, his borrower record reveals); Sue Tonius, president of the history association and general busy-body: all were present for the meeting. We chatted for a while as we waited for everyone to arrive, but the moment Boudecia appeared from the staffroom we adopted a more formal tone and got down to business.

I was the minute taker, and I really wanted to use one of the new BiblioTech L.U.B.E. accessories. I took out the MinuteMinuter™, a tiny handheld device which is attuned to pick out opening and closing statements. In doing this, it records the agenda item being discussed, and the subsequent action that is being taken. Very handy indeed!

Boudecia waited for me to set it up, the launched into the agenda. Item 1 – Additions to Collections. Ernesto reported on the launch of the new Encyclopedia Universa, a set of encyclopedias which are kept so up-to-date that they have to be replaced every four weeks. Boudecia said we would not be getting it. Constance interrupted to say that it was important we don’t deprive the community of facts and that society was flawed because the common people aren’t given the chance to access vital information. Boudecia retorted that the only new information to be gleaned from these editions would be a new constellation or species of fungi every few weeks, and besides, there was the internet. Constance fell quiet.

Item 2 – Borrower Issues. Bron has suspended a gang of young teenage boys form the library. They’ve been troublesome for quite a few months now, making noise and bothering other patrons. The situation escalated when one of them threw a chair at the window last week. Luckily the window is made of reinforced glass so that survived intact, however the chair shattered. Boudecia agreed to Bron’s plan to drive by each boy’s home (the ‘other’ reason we collect people’s personal information when they sign up) and leave a piece of the chair at their doorsteps. Hammond raised a hand and said he knew the boys, and that they came from broken homes. Bron’s attitude changed instantly from vengeant librarian to caring motherly figure, and agreed to leave a tender note with the seat wreckage.

Item 3 – Staff Matters (or Staff Matter – the MinuteMinuter™ has an annoying spellcheck built in). Boudecia gave Shannon the all-clear to advertise for and hire more volunteers to help out with the Library Weekend planned events. Sue interjected that she would be interested in researching the history of the library, provided that had free access to the Sequestered Stacks. Boudecia nodded curtly to her, then turned to me and whispered “bothering old cow”.

I glanced down at the MinuteMinuter™, worried it would include that with the rest of the meeting minutes. But the display screen was flickering wildly. The words were jumbled and Item 3 had INTERFERENCE ERROR CANNOT COMPUTE marked across it. I tapped the device on the side of the table – my normal method for fixing technology – and suddenly the device began to overcompensate. It began recording everything – every word and interjection, every whispered conversation from the other side of the room, and even body language. I tapped it again and the screen died, probably for overload. Who knew libraries were so noisy?

I looked up in confusion. Boudecia was eyeing me, her eyebrows raised in a bored expression, whilst Sylvia and Shannon were trying to get the thing to work. By now the surrounding public had moved in to see what was going on, and in the usual manner of crowds, prevented the people who were trying to do something to help the situation from actually doing anything. As people shuffled closer to get a good look I caught a glimpse of a familiar figure in the background. They were dressed in a long black robe with a golden cross on it, and in their hand they were holding a walkie talkie. That must’ve been what had jammed the signal! But why would someone do that?

I jumped out of my seat … and smacked into Constance. My hands flew up to brace myself for impact. As someone gasped and the crowd cleared some room, I found myself clutching onto her breasts. Worse still, the cloaked figure had disappeared. I dropped my hands and made to move to the door to catch the monk, but Constance grabbed onto my arm and sent a litany of abuse flying at my face. Eventually Ernesto pried us apart and let Constance cool off., but I could see a smirk developing in his usually implacable expression. I fled to the staffroom bathroom and just sat there, bewilderment running rife through my mind.

I can’t say that was the best staff meeting I’ve ever been to. Still, I shouldn’t let the fact that I groped a councilor get me down. There are still three days left of this week, and they should go much more smoothly than today. Really, what could go wrong?

-Jay

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

#65 Wednesday

Dear diary,

Happy National Simultaneous Storytime Day! Today was the day when young children all across Australia enjoyed the simple pleasure of having stories read to them. We had that running at our library, with the Children’s Librarian, Pepper, reading picture books to the little tikes for the whole day. She kept her youthful audience captivated with tales of fantasy, merriment, joy, and why hygiene is very important especially when it comes to nasal cleaning.

Of course, it would have been impossible for Pepper to read for the entire day, so every so often Heb took over for a story whilst she went and calmed down. Heb had a drink bottle, towel and bucket for Pepper to spit in, all on standby as she pushed through the books one by one. On her breaks Pepper kept nicking out onto the patio outside the staff room so she could have a quick cigarette (she took up smoking today), as well as what I will swear in court was just a hit of icing sugar. She always came out looking quite cheerful and giddy, and I’ll be damned if I let myself believe it was anything but good old saccharine bliss.

Both Pepper and Heb did an amazing job of keeping those kids both seated and enthralled, something which must have involved walking a very fine line. Often Heb would mime along to the stories whilst Pepper read them in her melodic, sing-song voice. The littlies loved it, dozens of them shifting forward to get closer to the heart of the action. Bron and I waited on standby in case a story required more characters. Bron was looking on with a glisten of pride in her eye as she watched how her son Hebron was playing with the kids, making sure they all joined in and had fun.

Pepper read more than books than I can remember, but here are my favourite ones. She read the tale of Konker the Krazy Klown who ran a circus which was so much fun that nobody ever left. She told the story of the Three Monkey Sisters who wore pretty tutus and loved to sing songs about why the government should invest more money in environmental sustainability. She recited a poem by Dr Seuss, which no-one over the age of 5 could understand. She chanted a ditty about how you should love your family no matter what. Bron and I joined in for this one, with Bron pretending to be Pepper’s lesbian wife.

All this story-telling and singing was exhausting, and after 6 hours – once all the children had been dragged away by their parents, all the while screaming for an encore – we all collapsed into the beanbags in the Children’s Area of the library. Pepper passed around a hip flask; Heb had one sip, smiled and fell asleep. Whilst Pepper lay and drank herself into a well-deserved stupor, I began the arduous task of cleaning up. All the tables had been upturned to be used as pirate ships, and the chairs had been stacked up high in a mock attempt to reach the sun. I carefully disassembled this OH&S nightmare and took dragged the excess pieces of furniture to the store cupboard.

When I got to it, however, I noticed that the lock was missing. Confused, I searched for it, eventually finding it shattered under one of the shelving tiers. When I opened the cupboard door I noticed immediately – it’s not that big a cupboard – that the broken remains of S.I.R. were gone. Pepper stumbled over and gasped, before grinning boozily in my face and falling onto me. I turned my head to the side so she wouldn’t accidentally kiss me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a black cape swishing: the same one I kept seeing. I tried to see more, but with a schmoozed, snoring librarian on top of me I couldn’t do much.

I slumped Pepper off me and carried her back to a comfy beanbag which would act as her bed for the time being. When I turned back the cape and its wearer had vanished. Ah well. It’s probably nothing. I have more important things to think about this week. We’re not even halfway through Library Week, and there are many more event is store for you. Until tomorrow, farewell!

-Jay

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

#64 Tuesday

Dear diary,

Happy National Library Technicians’ Day! Today libraries all across Australia celebrated the ‘techies’ in a variety of ways. Some hosted award ceremonies, others handed out expensive prizes for achievement, and some of the lesser funded locales simply gave them the day off. We, however, decided upon a different approach.

TJ and Sylvia decided to co-host today, although unlike Goldie and I they chose to cooperate. They blended their collections together for a teenage movie day, which ran in both the library and the Council hall next door. Sylvia hired two enormous projector screens, one for each venue, which were set up for screening the films. All looked set to go.

We realised at the last minute that Sylvia had forgotten to hire the projectors to go with them, as she didn’t read the form correctly (she’s illiterate and works in a library – go figure). This caused no amount of panic and upheaval this morning as we were getting ready. Sylvia locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out for an hour until Shannon coaxed her out with promises to let Sylvia drag her around gothic clothes shops and make her try on hundreds of long black dresses. Eventually Sylvia agreed and opened the door, her mascara streaked with tears.

Luckily TJ said he knew a guy who could help out. He called this ‘mate’ of his who drove around immediately and dropped off the two projectors. Out of the corner of my eye I saw TJ slip him some money from the petty cash box. We made eye contact and I nodded, quickly and solemnly. The end justifies the means. We set up the projectors and got everything ready just as the doors were about to open.

Today has been well advertised so we had a huge turnout. There were people spilling out of the Council hall and into the main foyer; dozens of adolescents keen to skip school so they could watch movies all day. We had to cordon off the area, giving the receptionists a valid excuse to stop work and join in the fun.

The only real hiccup was that one of the projectors stuffed up halfway trough the very first screening; the machine literally fell apart. TJ had to call up his ‘mate and slip him more of our funding to replace it with another one, seemingly from their unlimited supply of projectors. When the same thing happened twice more I began to get suspicious, and decided to tail the guy. When I followed him outside I was surprised to see the cloaked guy from the day before, leaning against the guy’s van, watching the door from underneath his hood. When he saw me he scampered.

I went back into the library to talk to Boudecia and let her know what was going on. I swiped my card at the staffroom entry and stepped into the back office, but there was no-one in sight. I heard a frightened SQUEAK! then a scurrying of claws and a HOOT, all coming from around the corner. I knew what this was, and walked, albeit trepidly, towards the gnawing sound coming from the shadows in the corner. As I approached one shadow lengthened impossibly fast, and after a moment out stepped Boudecia. She had a tail sticking out of her mouth, which she sucked in quickly and swallowed.

Ignoring the fact that my boss had just transformed from owl to human and devoured a mouse, not necessarily in that order, I pressed on and told her what I’d seen. She nodded sternly and said she would have a word to TJ about using the correct suppliers next time. He was really gonna get it later. I made my excuses and left the staffroom as soon as I could. I’ve seen Boudecia change shape before and it doesn’t shock me as much as it used to (hey, the library is also full of ghosts), but she just gives me the shivers sometimes.

Anyway, I won’t let that dampen my mood. Today we had a really awesome turn out and all I had to do was watch movies. This is the life!

-Jay

Monday, May 25, 2009

#63 Monday

Dear diary,

Welcome to the first day of Library Week! I can hardly believe it’s finally come. I’ve been waiting for this week to come for months now, especially today. Because this was my day to shine!

Months ago we – the library staff – all sat around and divvied up who does what when for Library Week in a rigorous paper-scissors-rock competition. Goldie and I got to share today, as we both had new things to showcase to the public. She is in charge of new books, whilst I keep the library up-to-date with the latest technology, mainly from BiblioTech. We would have to showcase both our displays of new stuff on the same day. We laughed at the time, thinking it would be a bit of friendly competition: the 55 year old choir-singing grandmother versus the 22 year old techno-geek. We didn’t know it then, but it was on.

This morning Goldie and I arrived an hour early so we could set up our respective displays. We arrive at the same time (I took her favourite car park), got out of our cars almost at the same time (she opened the passenger side of her car, the door jarring my way so I had to clamber out past the thorny hedge), entered the building at around the same time (she beat me there and tried to slam the door in my face) and got to our desks at roughly the same time (I accidentally shoved her into the Sequestered Stacks and unintentionally locked the door on her).

That set the scene for the rest of the morning. We competed for space, for display cabinets, for access to the Minties jar, for everything. I borrowed and conveniently lost her whiteboard marker; she emptied my display trolley into the returns chute. I was midway through making a thinly veiled threat about how she wouldn’t want anything to happen to those beautiful little kittens that live in her desk drawer when Boudecia appeared next to us. She made us go to separate ends of the library to host our displays, no questions, no remarks. We sullenly agreed and went off to complete our masterpieces.

The second the library boom gates opened, the place was full of people wanting to see what we had on show. I was so busy that I never actually saw how popular Goldie’s display was and nor did she see mine, so our wager was forgotten. All day I stood around explaining what each of the various new BiblioTech products did and how they have been integrated into the library.

The central display was the Library Utility Belt Equipment, which was positioned around the aforementioned belt which had the unfortunate acronym emblazoned on it. The belt and its equipment was created to replace a lot of the older and clunkier BiblioTech equipment, such as the Shelving & In-house Robot (S.I.R.), which is currently dismantled and tucked away in a cupboard in the Children’s Section, The L.U.B.E. is designed to hold several specialised shelving assistance items so that you’ll never be without. For example:

KneeSliders™ are pads you can put on the knees of your pants so the don’t wear when you shelve; they have the added benefit of allowing you to be able to kneel down and glide along carpeted areas. WrapJackets™ are book covers which not only protect books from damage, they also automatically straighten the cover and pages. The DeObstacliser™ is a wonderful little tool like a cross between tongs and an extender arm, which you use to shove other books, or even patrons, out of the way to recover books from those hard-to-reach places.

However, my favourite piece of equipment by far is the ReShelve™, the most advanced BiblioTech device by a long shot. You program in a returned item’s call number and the approximate coordinates of its destination and BAM! The device returns it to where it belongs. The ReShelve™ does this by extrapolating temporal energies of the ex libris and reboots its internal memory encoding with orientations of prior universal expositions. In other words, it sends the book back to where it used to be by looking at its past. In even simpler terms, it’s basically a handheld time machine.

I was very careful not to let get too close to the ReShelve™. It’s … my precious. As I was giving a demonstration of how the SuperScanner™ not only checks library cards but can also determine whether someone is trying to sign up with a fake ID, I noticed a suspicious character hovering around the ReShelve™ display cabinet. I couldn’t quite pick what it was that made me suspicious of him, except that he kept glancing downwards whenever he spotted me watching him watching the device. That, and he was wearing a long flowing black robe with a golden X symbol on the front and back. He just stood out, I guess.

Anyway, the day went great, though exhausting. Who knew talking at people all day could be so tiring? I’d better get some sleep and recharge, as we’ve got a busy schedule this week. Don’t miss out!

-Jay